It was once pointed out to me by someone equally tired of poison pills,

"Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers."

II Timothy 2:14

...but I, with the patience of stone, could teach mules stubbornness.

When I found blogging, about 5 years ago, it was all mostly online diaries and nothing about which to get ones kettle whistling. I didn't give God more than a passing thought, or more than casual acknowledgement. Church visits were rare, but not unheard of, and as a Christian I was languishing in too many of my fathers' sins, handed down to me, and me hoping deep within myself to pass them no further down the line. Being single, never married... no offspring... was, as it were, my one 'saving grace'. Another of my fathers' sins was a quiet detachment from attachments to friends, loved ones, and an inability to trust enough or long enough to build friendships.

As a result, I hide in my solitude. And I've been fine with this. Until "Pocket Full of Mumbles"... and one night with an answer to fervent honest prayer and the overwhelming presense of God standing in the midst of an MRI... comforting me in a very very very tight place. Until that day, God was someone you went to when you needed something. Jesus was the name with which you signed-off each request. Nevermind the years and amount of study that served me prior to that night, nevermind the hours I spent absorbing scripture, nevermind the earnest attempts to hear his voice and find, as Paul too sought, succor from a thorn in the flesh. But aside from the initial rush and the accompanying knowledge that I belonged to Him one fall evening in 1976, He remained silent and enigmatic. Until two years ago... the night of that MRI. That is my testimony! That God is real. And He loved me enough to set aside His glory to put on rags and walk in filth for thirty and more years, only to die painfully on an altar hewn by rough and evil men.

For me.

I don't know what He wants with me, but I know He wants me. And He wants me in His will. His will for my life. The purpose he purposed in my shaping before the foundation of the world, and like the shapes of rain pulled inexorably from the heavens to shape stone over seasons, centuries, and ages, what say had I, the stone, in the shaping?

'What is my purpose?' I ask. He is still silent. Perhaps I am not asking the right question. Perhaps I'm not ready to hear. Perhaps I am not yet in His will. Maybe there is still too much of my father in me. Whatever it is, I am at this moment, angry. And shut-off from the intimacy of friendships.

Yet there it is... The answer: I am angry. I can rationalize why that is, and my rationalizations would carry the weight plausible undeniability, for we are, each of us, shaped by the rains of experience; moments, hours, days, years... and decades. I am a product of this sinful world, and I don't want to do good. At least my flesh doesn't!

I am angry. Angry enough to say enough is enough, and resort to taking a stand. Who do I have if not Jesus? WHAT do I have if not Jesus? And in the midst of a spiritual war I cannot see, it's bad enough that I have to learn, at so late a stage, to put on the whole armor of God, and brandish the weapons He's provided me, to fight an enemy I can't even see, but now I have to fight, almost daily it seems, an enemy that claims to be a brother in arms!

"Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers."

Which brings me to my point.

Trying to make a difference. Doing what I can with what He has given me, while the one I should be able to rely upon to watch my back, is instead bent on tearing down each tabernacle I build.

I once sent an email to Dan Trabue, wherein I wrote, "I've hesitated in [the] past to call you brother-- though I have on occasion --but no more. We'll laugh about all this on the other side. That, at least, is my hope."

It was a concession, as much as a call for truce. Yet it seems now I've conceded ground that was not mine to concede, to a man for whom the word truce, it would further seem, was, and remains, utterly meaningless. I say, 'it would seem' because he offers few concessions of his own, choosing instead to be a stumbling block to everything I'm trying to do. Were his actions toward me merely the honest attempts of a brother to keep another brother 'honest', his comments would not be almost solely bred to division and strife, and the tearing down of tabernacles.

I cannot say that Dan is NOT a child of the Most High. Only God knows for certain, but the author of MY salvation gave me a Comforter, Who is the express image of Him every bit as much as Jesus is of His Father. And this Comforter will never lie to me. Jesus said I will know a tree by its fruit, and so the Spirit within me should agree with Dan if we were brothers. But since we agree on so very very little, what else am I to believe? I sense nothing in my spirit to lend me toward the belief that Dan and I are brothers.

I cannot say Dan IS a child of the Most High God. I see no evidence of it. What I do see is contention and strife... evidence of the Enemy... not God, not the love of Christ. Not the loving rebuke. Instead, his love seems reserved only for those whose doctrine marches to drums of deceit and disillusionment, rather than the trump of God.

After his most recent comment at my previous post (comments have since been closed for reasons I may or may not disclose later), I decided to google "Dan Trabue" & "I'm on a mission", and this is what I found (emphasis wholly mine)...

"...

"If pacifism is a "pet issue" of mine, it's only because I see it as part of my mission to confront and challenge the church to biblical orthodoxy and sticking to the message of Jesus - an area in which, in my mind, the church is largely apostate.

"Jesus spent much time talking about peacemaking, economic issues, challenging the powers that be - in short, the Good News as Jesus defined it. The Church has, instead, made the gospel about opposition to abortion, gays, sex, drinking and cussing and a few other areas (with some differences depending upon the flavor of religion). And so, I'm "on a mission from God..." a task I'm sure you wouldn't want me to shirk?

..."

Posted by Dan Trabue
March 29, 2006
@ Stones Cry Out

He began that comment with the words, "I apologize if what I've done is "thread-jacking..." And the irony therein is that this is something Dan is very good at. That, and sowing discord among the brethren... subverting the message... and seeking, as the fowls of the air, to devour what little seed I am able to sow. What's most frightening to me about this comment is Dan's equating of 'talking about peacemaking, economic issues, [and] challenging the powers that be' with the Gospel, for nothing could be further from the truth. The Gospel can be summed up in a single verse, John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life". That's it. Nothing about raking leaders over the coals, establishing welfare states, or endless rounds of peace talks.

He has had a virtual free pass here because I was unwilling to give up on him, but I will not continue to allow ANY 'sweet as honey' snake to lay unmolested on the greensward of this blog any longer. Neither will I turn comment moderation on. I don't even ask him to leave. But neither will I continue to debate points of scripture with Dan... or ER. I won't give what I deem 'ignorance' a platform. To that end I will delete any comment that subverts or seeks to destroy the seeds I sow here.

I check my mail often. Any comment I see as trying to tear down what I am trying to build will be deleted.

Yes, I'm angry. But not without cause. Praise God, I don't hate anyone! And as far as I'm concerned Dan hasn't anything to apologize for... he is simply being who he is, and because of this he's merely speaking "...evil of those things which [he] know[s] not: but what [he] know[s] naturally, as brute beasts, in those things [he] corrupt[s] [him]sel[f]." Jude 1:10

But it's not my place to judge Dan. Instead I'm choosing to obey the Lord by marking him and avoiding him, per Romans 16:17-18

"Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple."

I'm not perfect. Never said I was. But I am, by the blood of Jesus, made righteous in HIM. And whatever anyone may think to the contrary, I don't have to put up with the kind of crap I've freely allowed to be posted here thus far.

Yes, Dan's on a mission, but not from God; every comment he leaves at every blog he finds fault in, appears to seek confrontation... to confront the Church and drag it kicking and screaming to a new orthodoxy... suffused to its reeking and brittle bones with the commandments and doctrines of men... making proselytes that are two-fold the children of hell... seeking to divert any seeking soul, at this blog and others he finds fault in, from finding faith in the very Lord he claims to love. Well not here. Not anymore. He may not feel it necessary to defend Christ, but I do.

At this point I couldn't care less if I didn't receive a single comment from this day forward. There will certainly be no comments on THIS post! Anyone have anything to say? expletive-filled criticism? glowing praise? anything in between? You can find my email on my profile. Use it. Or don't... as you see fit.

Have a very nice day, and may God richly bless you all! and give every man according as his work shall be.

"He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still.

And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be."


"...Even so, come, Lord Jesus. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen."